Sunday, May 25, 2008

A Mid-Ohio ode to a Cadillac George victory

with apologies to Mr Dylan, I present Like A Rolling Stone

Once upon a time you dressed so fine
You threw the bums a gel in your prime lap, didn't you?
People'd call, say, "Beware Cadillac, you're bound to fall"
You thought they were all kiddin' you
You used to laugh about
Everybody that was spinnin' out
Now you don't talk so loud
Now you don't seem so proud
About having to be scrounging for your next leadout.

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be without a home
Like a complete unknown
Like a roll:ing stone?

You've gone to the finest school (actually MSU), Mr. Biodiesel
But you know you only used to get juiced on it
And nobody has ever taught you how to live in breakaway
And now you find out you're gonna have to get used to it
You said you'd never compromise
With the mystery Shimano cranks, but now you realize
Tym's not selling any alibis
As you stare into the vacuum of his tubulars
And ask him do you want to make a deal?

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete cobc'er
Like a roll:ing stone?

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Lessons learned at Sugar Grove RR

A mea culpa is not a great reason to attend a race.

Saying, “Hey, guys wait up” never works in a combined 3/4/Masters field.

Faking your own death is not an option when you are dropped in the Master’s race.

You can produce 375 watts and only 7 mph of speed if the climb is steep enough.

Local citizen’s cannot tell that you’ve been dropped, they think you are on one big solo breakaway...and cheer you on.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

O-V-R Death Race

I drove 105 miles to the Ohio Valley Race today to get a look at what all the shouting was about. And there certainly was a crowd, I think each category was full at 50 racers! While Tym’s races have been less than full fields this year, at least there have been no near death experiences.

As advertised to the corn-fed Midwest cycling crowd (and unlike a Tym race) the course was flat. I’m guessing the local Wendy’s shareholders prefer their bacon double cheeseburgers training plans to skip challenging courses. I met fellow teammates Cadillac George, Pascalinator, Andy ‘where’s the climb’ Will, and Iowa J. OK, let’s see what all the fuss is about. Yikes! There’s the cobc sausage head and his misogynist minions calling attention to every rider with breasts. George took up a collection so sausage boy and Bauhaus could get a room and consummate their negative love. One can only hope...

We roll out on narrow, no berm pothole roads that aren’t fit for an SUV to drive on. The fields were way too big for such nonsense with cars constantly passing us in the opposite direction. You know where this is going, don’t you?

Three crashes, Two bad ones, two folks life flighted to hospitals and the officials terminate the race after only one lap.

Brilliant! Who is running this joint? Big fields, bad roads, traffic...oh yeah the prize money advertised was BIG! Why not risk your neck after paying $3.69/gallon for gas to get there...

Can somebody tell me why anybody races OVR races? I’m certain the Quadriplegic racer from 2006 wishes he had ridden the safer Tym Tyler races, same goes for today’s victims...