Friday, September 24, 2010

2010 World of Pain Cycling Awards

So let us raise a glass to the heroes...
Sometimes there's a team... I won't say a team of heroes, 'cause what's a hero? But sometimes, there's a team – and I'm talkin' about the World of Pain here – sometimes, there's a team, well, there’s a team for this time and place. They fit right in there. And that's the World of Pain. In Ohio. And even if they’re a lazy team – and this team was most certainly that, quite possibly the laziest in all Ohio, which would place them high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide – Sometimes there's a team... Sometimes, there's a team. Ah, I lost my train of thought here. But... aw, hell. I done introduced them enough. So here's the 2010 Cycling awards.

Comeback of the Year:
Tie: Cadillac George (from near death) and Mark Ames (from vacation)

Most improved Rider Female:
Abbey Trimble (who podium’d her first race)

Most Improved Ride Male:
Keith “Larry” Flint

Best ‘bonk’ of the year:
Dan Tinderholt on the Dan & Josh Century (but he finished!)

Cyclist(s) who drove the farthest just to go for a bike ride:
Brian O!, Mel Longo, Cadillac George, Dan 4% Rhule, and Pantani (who traveled 500 miles to ride 50 in Iowa)

Best lead out draft:
Gus Comstock’s Butt.

Team Rouleur Award 2010:
Brian “Lil’ Fabian” O’Hara

Where’s Waldo award (awarded to the World of Pain rider spotted wearing another team’s kit to every major ride in Central Ohio):
Mike Rea nka Waldo

2010 Padrone Award (read while humming "Old Man River"):
Jeff 'Nacho Mama' 'JAX' Jackson

Best skin ink of 2010:
tie; and Keith Flint

Best Crash of the Year:
Iowa Josh who skipped a scheduled race so he wouldn't have road rash for his wedding, but crashed in a training ride anyway

Best new name:
Ted Pablo (that's not it) aka "IPB" (that's it) or "International Playboy" (credit goes to Jaybone for naming him)

Best excuses why they couldn't make another thursday evening ride:
The award goes to the WIVES of Bob Hatcher and Bruce 'BRUCE!' Pijanowski

Best Ride of the Year:
The Peckerhead Invitational

Best Bike Shop:
Breakaway Cycling

Best Race of the Year:
Garrett Wonders Columbus (fast, with cobbles – great set up, great venue)

Toughest Opponent 2010 Road Races:
Mighty Scott Young

Best use of Pink in training or racing apparel:
Butch man, who else?

Best use of the LARGE chain ring:
Dave Chambers

Rider most likely to be mistaken for a sausage casing: (winner 3 years running):
Stuart Hunter

Most admired quadriceps (not by me, but I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that):
Tom Kingery

Cyclist of the Year:
Tie. Coming in with equal number of votes Farmer John Price (Ohio Cat. 4 Crit champion) and Chairman Fred Parks (Master’s 55+ Ohio Crit champion and 2nd in Ohio Road Race)

Cyclist(s) who opted out of a races that started just 10 minutes from their own homes:
Again tie. Jaybone Allred and Mike "Waldo" Rea

Mountain biker of the year:
sorry, but no one really cares

Hairiest legs:

(see above Mtn. Bike award) Ben Trimble

Living proof that evolution can be reversed by de-evolution:


Best Calves (criteria, must be larger than my quads):

Tennis Bob

Best physical condition in October (after season is over):
tie; Dale black-truffles and Frank "the taxman" Seebode

Best tribute to our former Sponsor:
Dan Will

See you next year...

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Update: Listens and Reads

The best books and music of 2010 (at least for me)...
Listening to:
1. Geof Bradfield - African Flowers (Origin 2010)
2. William Parker/Inside Songs Of Curtis Mayfield - I Plan To Stay A Believer (AUM, 2010) 
also: WIlliam Parker - inside Songs Of Curtis Mayfield (Rai Trade, 2007)
3. Dan Weiss - Timshel (Sunnyside, 2010)
4. Jon Irabagon - Foxy (Hot Cup, 2010)
5. Alex Sipiagin - Generations (Criss Cross, 2010)
6. Atomic  - Theater Tilters (Jazzland, 2010)
7. Ralph Alessi - Cognitive Dissonance (Cam Jazz, 2010)
8. Jason Moran - Ten (Blue Note)
9. Lisa Mezzacappa/Bait & Switch - What Is Known (Clean Feed, 2010)
10. Tomas Fuliwara & The Hookup - Actionspeak (482 music, 2010)
11 Fats Waller - The Last Years 1940-1943 (Bluebird, 1989)
12. Nels Cline Singers - Initiate (Cryptogramophone, 2010)
1. War - Sabastian Junger
2. The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets Nest - Stieg Larsson
3. The Jazz Ear - Ben Ratliff
4. The Forsaken - Tim Tzouliadis
5. Thelonious Monk - Robin Kelley
6. Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter - Seth Grahame-Smith
7. Let The Great World Spin - Colum McCann
8. Sunnyside - Glen David Gold
9. Await You Reply - Dan Choan
10. Invisible - Paul Auster

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Don't you hate it when life intrudes on your race weekend?

My last race of the year, ALEXANDRIA and I hadn't even considered it all week because of work. Night before, I dragged myself home from a hell week. Well, there's racing tomorrow. But my mind was elsewhere, as was most of my TEAM. Vacations, kids back college, the honeydew lists, sloth, slowness, and the consumption of buttered rolls kept our team to just three. Well, Chairman Fred and myself, plus THE IP, that's "The International Playboy" Ted Pablo - who is not even on our team until next year...extra points for THE IP

Back to the race: At the start NO TED. Here he comes, 2 hour drive from Cleveland and he arrives AFTER the scheduled start. Boys boys, please let this man dress and line up proper. Thank you

First lap, and if you've raced the Welsh Hills you know there is a screaming downhill into a mean left turn. Fred and I previewed it in warm up. THE IP didn't. We also saw that there was plenty of gravel in the downhill roadway....none of which IP saw. I tried to tell him about the downhill as we neared...but

My next task was to convince the leaders to sit up and wait for the guy who drove 2 hours only to crash on the first lap. They agreed, Fred dropped back to pace him back into the race, as I chatted about how the Tour de France would have been different if Alberto had only waited for

The race progressed and I kept thinking about work. Damn, I have to remember to copy this file and transcribe that conversation. Halfway through the race and I sat up. Just sat up and pulled over. Who was I kidding, my heart wasn't in it.

...and the season ends with a whimper.