Garrett Wonders Weekend

Friday and Saturday included racing in the 7th annual Garrett Wonders race, this year expanded from the downtown Westerville crit to an Ohio Statehouse four corner with a cobbled climb. Yes sir, the Pain-meisters in attendance included Cadillac George, Dave “I Am Curious Yellow” Chambers,” and Marco Pantani for the masters race (along with some Cat. 1 who had once rode the Olympic trials), Farmer John in the 3/4, and Dan ”man o’ God,” and Brian O! Finishing his career as a Cat. 5. 

Where were you? Just fill in the blank, “I did not have________________, today”

Here’s the poop, short and sweet, They do a fantastic job with these events. Volunteers and more volunteers, closed well swept roads, and enthusiastic fans. Always a pleasure to race in those conditions. 

The masters race Saturday in Westerville was all about chasing the Olympian (no one could) then holding on for some prize money. I did both and 7th place finish. Cha-ching No. 1. 

Sunday’s race could turn into a future classic course with a trip up Town Street that is paved, European-style, with those small mis-shapened cobbles. Without an appearance by Mr. Olympian, da Godfather and I had to just follow the moves of Chris Grisvard and Uncle Fester. 

But sometimes you follow the wrong wheel. Neither of those two won, it was this guy from Stark Velo that I chased up the climb every lap (well, a couple times he followed me), rattling several tooth filings loose. 

This was to be a 5th place finish and another check for both Conti and me. Cha-ching No. 2. Hey, I love racing for free.

You ask Farmer John about his yearly big race crash, no way I'm putting myself in that imbroglio. Also ask Brian O! about his tough as nails cobbles race, kinda like a little Fabian Cancellara.

And a big thank you to all the World O' Pain fans that turned out this weekend

Congratulations to Team Type 1 RAAM Winner Tom Kingery

Did you know that three time champion of the Race Across America, Tom Kingery is one of us? Pictured here (standing just to the right of Chairman Fred - who never makes eye contact with another champion) is the Ironman triathlete/type 1 diabetic and a 3 time winner of RAAM. Yep, three time champion. Who knew? Maybe the jersey gave it way, that and his ability to pull a pack of riders at 28mph for nearly an hour might have been a hint.

Last night was his first night back training with his fellow World of Pain riders after his five day, ten hour and 48 minute odyssey over the 3,005-mile course that runs from Calififornia to Maryland. read about it here.

 http://www.teamtype1.org/news_stories/show/74>

Welcome back Tom, now can you slow down a bit?

Support Your Favorite Team...and drink, drink, drink.

Summer cycling heat getting you down? You just finished a tuesday night hammerfest and, well you just didn't get enough World of Pain? You're in luck, because now you can enjoy your favorite beverage in a 16oz American made pint glass and support your favorite cycling team in the process.

Available at Beehive Books, 25 N Sandusky Street, Delaware, OH 43015

the cost is just $6.50 per pint or a set of 4 for $25. 

Your favorite beer included (check your refrigerator, I'm sure there's a cold one in there somewhere)

We Are The Champions, My Friends

A great day for your heroes on A World of Pain Cycling Team (not "a WOP," as Conti registered his race). Today was the Ohio State Criterium Championships. We delivered 4 racers to the start. Chairmen Fred, Cadillac George, Farmer John, and myself.

While my race was truly forgettable. All three of my teammates made the podium. John Price is the Cat. 4 champion, winning a Tissot watch and lots of cash. Fred Parks and George Conti Finish 1 and 2 respectively in the Masters 55-59 category.

Way to go boys...indeed, that was PAINLESS....

Tour of The Valley

As race reports go, this one will be brief. Not that there wasn’t quite a lot to tell you about the three day of racing in Youngstown, Ohio, it’s just that the results were slim.

This race is just in its second year and it has the potential to be a great race. The event is run quite well and has many happy/helpful volunteers. Question: why volunteer for our local Columbus races and then act like a wanker? Only criticism was the high (higher than normal) entry fees. 

The Godfather and I signed up for the omnium (forget spell checker, it means all three races). Friday night was to be a 9 mile time trial. We drove all day through pouring rains, never thinking to bring a turbo trainer to warm up on. Needless to say, I wasn’t about to warm up in a downpour, so I raced ‘old school’ flicked my cigarette out and whispered “avanti” as a heard the countdown , “5, 4, 3, 2, 1…” Conti went old school too, Laurant Fignon- style, traditional bike, while others sported Greg Lemond-inspired solid disc wheels, aero helmets, and real TT bikes. Conti flats right outta the start house (lucky bastard) and I have to endure 26 minutes of rain, and emolument-cover aero-racers passing me. 

Saturday was a 33 mile road race, we were joined by Dave "Marilyn" Chambers and Dan Rhule(s)! When we line up the skies had cleared BUT the turnout was quite low. Where was everyone? We soon learned that participants from year 1 opted out of what might have been the toughest course of the 2010 road schedule. There was a 2 mile climb at 10-12% that destroyed the field, even half the cat. 1 / 2 field dropped out. (note to self: skip RR next year)

Sunday was criterium in downtown, it was flat, fast (we avg. 25.5 mph) and fun. I figured, I finished 15th about 40 yards behind the winner. 

Chairman Fred "Socks Night" Called A Success!

When interviewed by a local news organization, Chairman Fred Parks was at first skeptical about the "Socks Night" celebration at the start of the tuesday night's Rip You Legs Off ride. 

But after closer inspection of the stockings, he did indeed recognize himself (actually, a younger version of himself) in the hosiery. Team World O' Pain commissioned the foot coverings as part of the year long celebration of its team members. Starting first with Parks who was racing bicycles way back in the days of toe-clips, leather chamois, and wooden rims. 

Grandview Classic

Darkness On The Edge of Grandview

(apologies to Bruce Springsteen)

They're still racing out at Roubaix,

But that blood it never burned in her veins,

Now I hear she's got a house up in Dublin,

And a style she's trying to maintain.

Well, if she wants to see me,

You can tell her that I'm easily found,

Tell her there's a spot out 'neath Radnor's Bridge,

And tell her, there's a darkness on the edge of town.

Everybody's got a secret, FLOYD,

Something that they just can't face,

Some folks spend their whole lives trying to keep it,

They carry EPO with them every step that they take.

Till someday they just cut it loose

Cut it loose or let it drag 'em down,

Where no one asks any questions,

or looks too long in your headset,

In the darkness on the edge of town.

Some folks are born into a good cadence,

Other folks get it anyway, anyhow,

I lost my musette and I lost my bottle,

Them things don't seem to matter much to me now.

Today I'll be on that hill 'cause I can't stop,

I'll be on that hill with everything I got,

Lives on the line where dreams are found and lost,

I'll be there on time and I'll pay the cost,

For wanting things that can only be found

In the darkness on the edge of town.

Congratulations to John Price - 4th in the Cat. 4

and Brian O'Hara - 4th in the Cat. 5

Dave Chamber and I are still wondering what happened?

Worthington Classic: Your Buddha Style Was Flavor or I Love It When A Deal Comes Together

One day after the Peckerhead (need I say you shoulda been there?) and we were racing at Worthington. One of the best courses in Central Ohio - safe closed roads, neighborhood parties and folks who actually cheer for the racers. Lined up for the geezers race are The Chairman, The Godfatha', World War Z, Farmer J, and me - Pantani. The main competition was a couple Team Dayton sprinters. I am not saying that the Fat Stuey Hunter Roll: sponsorship didn't motivate us to beat on them like red headed step children, but it didn't hurt.

Thank you course marshalls Mel & Keith and supporters, Amy, Butcher, Ben, & Abby.

15 laps scheduled and everyone knew that we couldn't take these boys to the finish or the results might not be in our favor. George called for attack after attack on the backside hill to soften them up. Conti went (er, um...well after we suggested that our own guys shouldn't chase down Da' Godfatha) he went again, The Dayton boys gave chase. We followed. Later there was more schooling that we should attack on the hill going 'up' not the hill going 'down.' Check please!

I went, John went again, then Fred went, then Conti (kinda sounds like the pre-race ritual in the men's room?) Hey, we're masters racers and the prostate ain't what it used to be.

Finally Farmer John, who has been lifting hogs since they were lil' piglets, attacked (yep, got it right on the uphill) and the chasers couldn't chase. Soon he is outta sight. A couple laps later Fred goes, no reaction. So with 5 to go I take off. Three solo breaks. Fred never caught John and I never caught Fred. 1-2-3. Bingo. Deal done. thank you very much. Z finishes off the pack sprint with flair. Bam.

See you next week.

Again With The State Road Race

It was a hot, no a HOT RR Championship today at Caesar's Creek. How hot? You ask. Well, let's see I drank a bottle of water on the drive down, 3 more during the 52 mile race (and poured 1 over my head), then a coke, a recovery bottle and a finally a bottle on the ride home and still the bathroom scale said I was down 5 pounds from the am.

Team World O' Pain was down to a Skeleton Crew, Farmer John, Brian O! and Pantani today. Everyone else was congratulating grads or preparing their PECKERS for next weekend. Also in attendance was The Iowa Kid and Dr. 4% from our sister AWOP crew

The NEW course was a bit different from the old course, but had the same elevation change, the climb was just in two parts of pain instead of one. Big deal, I still could use a bailout, Wall Street style.

Round and round the Pirate Farmer John and I go in the Cat. 4 race. And everything is fine until i get caught behind a guy that drops his chain on the 3rd climb. I have to stop, put my foot down and, of course the peloton spins away, never to be caught.

So there I was doing the solo cha-cha for the last lap, I come up upon a couple riders who are content to spin in, one sez "I'm whipped, I cannot do any work." So two of us trade off pulling this hot dog around a full lap. Back to the last climb and the wiener decides to drop us! What? you were too exhausted to do any work. Son of a...We have to chase this RED HOT down. 

We give chase and while I was shifting to the big ring, I send my chain over the ring, locking my pedals and damn, crashing.I was awarded the bumper sticker that reads "I CRASHED SUPER FAST".

Back up and I just spin to the finish, no worse for the experience, a little grass stain, but I'll live. There's plenty of races left this year.

Thanks to Mel for the water hand ups today. 

Danville State RR Championship

I know what you're thinking, but no, Fat Stuart from Roll wasn't in attendence at the State RR in Danville today. You might have thought he was there because the heavy rains in the morning brought so much manure and horse shit on the roads that it reminded us of his 'team building' emails.

The race saw fewer participants because of the threatening skies, the high humidity and probably the hills. Lots of climbing were in store. Tym shorterned the course from past RR championships, cutting out the boring flat parts and leaving us with 8 laps of up and down.

Short take here: I got blown out early in the race and thought it might be my worst race of the year. I finished solo, covered in Stuart, shit, and mud. After downloading my powertap numbers, I saw that I recorded personel bests for 1 minute, 5 minute, 15 minute, and 20 minute output of watts. And I still got dropped.

Something to think about....hmmm.