Chairman Fred "Socks Night" Called A Success!

When interviewed by a local news organization, Chairman Fred Parks was at first skeptical about the "Socks Night" celebration at the start of the tuesday night's Rip You Legs Off ride. 

But after closer inspection of the stockings, he did indeed recognize himself (actually, a younger version of himself) in the hosiery. Team World O' Pain commissioned the foot coverings as part of the year long celebration of its team members. Starting first with Parks who was racing bicycles way back in the days of toe-clips, leather chamois, and wooden rims. 

Grandview Classic

Darkness On The Edge of Grandview

(apologies to Bruce Springsteen)

They're still racing out at Roubaix,

But that blood it never burned in her veins,

Now I hear she's got a house up in Dublin,

And a style she's trying to maintain.

Well, if she wants to see me,

You can tell her that I'm easily found,

Tell her there's a spot out 'neath Radnor's Bridge,

And tell her, there's a darkness on the edge of town.

Everybody's got a secret, FLOYD,

Something that they just can't face,

Some folks spend their whole lives trying to keep it,

They carry EPO with them every step that they take.

Till someday they just cut it loose

Cut it loose or let it drag 'em down,

Where no one asks any questions,

or looks too long in your headset,

In the darkness on the edge of town.

Some folks are born into a good cadence,

Other folks get it anyway, anyhow,

I lost my musette and I lost my bottle,

Them things don't seem to matter much to me now.

Today I'll be on that hill 'cause I can't stop,

I'll be on that hill with everything I got,

Lives on the line where dreams are found and lost,

I'll be there on time and I'll pay the cost,

For wanting things that can only be found

In the darkness on the edge of town.

Congratulations to John Price - 4th in the Cat. 4

and Brian O'Hara - 4th in the Cat. 5

Dave Chamber and I are still wondering what happened?

Worthington Classic: Your Buddha Style Was Flavor or I Love It When A Deal Comes Together

One day after the Peckerhead (need I say you shoulda been there?) and we were racing at Worthington. One of the best courses in Central Ohio - safe closed roads, neighborhood parties and folks who actually cheer for the racers. Lined up for the geezers race are The Chairman, The Godfatha', World War Z, Farmer J, and me - Pantani. The main competition was a couple Team Dayton sprinters. I am not saying that the Fat Stuey Hunter Roll: sponsorship didn't motivate us to beat on them like red headed step children, but it didn't hurt.

Thank you course marshalls Mel & Keith and supporters, Amy, Butcher, Ben, & Abby.

15 laps scheduled and everyone knew that we couldn't take these boys to the finish or the results might not be in our favor. George called for attack after attack on the backside hill to soften them up. Conti went (er, um...well after we suggested that our own guys shouldn't chase down Da' Godfatha) he went again, The Dayton boys gave chase. We followed. Later there was more schooling that we should attack on the hill going 'up' not the hill going 'down.' Check please!

I went, John went again, then Fred went, then Conti (kinda sounds like the pre-race ritual in the men's room?) Hey, we're masters racers and the prostate ain't what it used to be.

Finally Farmer John, who has been lifting hogs since they were lil' piglets, attacked (yep, got it right on the uphill) and the chasers couldn't chase. Soon he is outta sight. A couple laps later Fred goes, no reaction. So with 5 to go I take off. Three solo breaks. Fred never caught John and I never caught Fred. 1-2-3. Bingo. Deal done. thank you very much. Z finishes off the pack sprint with flair. Bam.

See you next week.

Again With The State Road Race

It was a hot, no a HOT RR Championship today at Caesar's Creek. How hot? You ask. Well, let's see I drank a bottle of water on the drive down, 3 more during the 52 mile race (and poured 1 over my head), then a coke, a recovery bottle and a finally a bottle on the ride home and still the bathroom scale said I was down 5 pounds from the am.

Team World O' Pain was down to a Skeleton Crew, Farmer John, Brian O! and Pantani today. Everyone else was congratulating grads or preparing their PECKERS for next weekend. Also in attendance was The Iowa Kid and Dr. 4% from our sister AWOP crew

The NEW course was a bit different from the old course, but had the same elevation change, the climb was just in two parts of pain instead of one. Big deal, I still could use a bailout, Wall Street style.

Round and round the Pirate Farmer John and I go in the Cat. 4 race. And everything is fine until i get caught behind a guy that drops his chain on the 3rd climb. I have to stop, put my foot down and, of course the peloton spins away, never to be caught.

So there I was doing the solo cha-cha for the last lap, I come up upon a couple riders who are content to spin in, one sez "I'm whipped, I cannot do any work." So two of us trade off pulling this hot dog around a full lap. Back to the last climb and the wiener decides to drop us! What? you were too exhausted to do any work. Son of a...We have to chase this RED HOT down. 

We give chase and while I was shifting to the big ring, I send my chain over the ring, locking my pedals and damn, crashing.I was awarded the bumper sticker that reads "I CRASHED SUPER FAST".

Back up and I just spin to the finish, no worse for the experience, a little grass stain, but I'll live. There's plenty of races left this year.

Thanks to Mel for the water hand ups today. 

Danville State RR Championship

I know what you're thinking, but no, Fat Stuart from Roll wasn't in attendence at the State RR in Danville today. You might have thought he was there because the heavy rains in the morning brought so much manure and horse shit on the roads that it reminded us of his 'team building' emails.

The race saw fewer participants because of the threatening skies, the high humidity and probably the hills. Lots of climbing were in store. Tym shorterned the course from past RR championships, cutting out the boring flat parts and leaving us with 8 laps of up and down.

Short take here: I got blown out early in the race and thought it might be my worst race of the year. I finished solo, covered in Stuart, shit, and mud. After downloading my powertap numbers, I saw that I recorded personel bests for 1 minute, 5 minute, 15 minute, and 20 minute output of watts. And I still got dropped.

Something to think about....hmmm.

Mid-Ohio, the second time around.

So maybe you don't know the lyrics to the Sammy Cahn/Jimmy Van Heusen song THE SECOND TIME AROUND made famous by Francis Albert himself. Read below:

Love is lovelier the second time around
Just as wonderful with both feet on the ground
It's that second time you hear your love song sung
Makes you think perhaps that love, like youth, is wasted on the young

Love's more comfortable the second time you fall
Like a friendly home the second time you call
Who can say what brought us to this miracle we've found?
There are those who'll bet love comes but once, and yet
I'm oh, so glad we met the second time around

Who can say what brought us to this miracle we've found?
There are those who'll bet love comes but once, and yet

I'm oh, so glad we met the second time around

______________________________________________

I'm sure your wondering what this all has to do with a bike race at the Mid-Ohio motor car course. Well, nothing and everything. You see this was team AWOPs second race this year there and World War Z's second race, and my second chance to beat Farmer John (also know known as Lil' Evander Holyfield) in a one up sprint.

The call went out for racers and as I said above WWZ was there along with Chairman Fred, George "a million tiny pieces" Conti, Marilyn Chambers, Brian O!, and Marco Pantani. We met Mighty Scott "Titanium Young" and were supported by Tri-Amy and Beer Meister Keith.

Where were you? We have an nice selection of beers for the supporters and any racer that could beat us on the track. Well, a few that beat Brian might no have been old enough to drink.

Frank said it best, "Makes you think perhaps that love, like youth, is wasted on the young," not Scott Young but young racers. The biggest field here was the Masters race. Even though I raced with Farmer John, my 50+ was being scored separately from his 40+. Ha!

Round and round we go, the spinning wounded. John with half and ear, Fred with a sore back, Conti suffering without his weekly EPO dosage (sorry, micro-dose), and Chambers still jet lagged. Maybe that is why we couldn't hang onto the 2 whippersnappers that made the break. Oh well, at least none of them were in the 50+ race.

You know how this goes - came down to a sprint and I was tucked neatly on the farmhand's right hip. He jumps as he always does, WAY TOO EARLY. I hang on and now ALL I HAVE TO DO IS COME AROUND HIM....ahhhhh, I c-a-n-n-o-t g-a-i-n a-n-y ground. Damn, lost the sprint, but won the 50+ plus race, again...

Well, next race I might use the Sinatra method and have my body guards do a bit of composting on the Farmer's legs before the start....

Best Reads and Listens 2010, so far...

Listening to:

1. Bryan And The Haggards - Pretend It’s The End Of The World (Hot Cup) - Is it a jazz country album or a country jazz record?

2. The Mark Lomax Trio (with Eddie Bayard) - The State Of Black America (Inahyme) Coltrane reborn

3. The Claudia Quintet - Royal Toast (Cuneiform) Brilliance from John Hollenbeck

4. Zorn/Lewis/Frisell - More news For Lulu (Hatology) Remastered from the 1980s - Die Wynton die!

5. Vandermark/Nilssen-Love/Ex Guitars - Lean Left Vol. 1 (Smalltown Jazz) Noise marvelous Noise

6. Bernardo Sassetti Trio - Motion (Clean Feed) Might be my favorite new pianist

7. Mose Allison - The Way Of The World (Anti-) A nearly perfect recording

Reading, no read:

1. The Girl Who Kicked The Honets Nest - Stieg Larsson

2. Nelly’s Version - Eve Figes

3. Cold - Bill Streever

4. The Homecoming Party - Carmine Abate

5. Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter - Seth Grahame-Smith

6. Let The Great World Spin - Colum McCann

7. Beatrice And Virgil - Yann Martel

8. Sunnyside - Glen David Gold

9. Solar - Ian McKewan

10. Bike Snob - Bike Snob NYC

11. Nixonland - Rick Perlstein

What it felt like for 42 miles @ the Bond Road Race in Harrison, Ohio

All I need was a resurrected Howard Cosell screaming into the microphone, "Down goes Frazier, down goes Frazier!" Me playing the role of Philly's own Smokin' Joe Frazier. Congrats to Brian O! and Mr. 4%, regrets to The Godfather, Iowa and boxing fans everywhere...

Night of The Living Dead

Let's get one thing straight, you HAVE to destroy the brain of a zombie to actually kill it. Everyone knows that. Except the Norwegians (more about that later). Only 15 brave souls lined up at Mohican State Park lodge for the first ever race in them there parts. Maybe it was the Race @ The Lakes that morning in Akron, or the OVR series that would happen Sunday that was the reason for the low turnout. Maybe it was the temperatures in the low 4os with a blowing 20 mile/hr winds or the course (great course) with 1,200 feet of climbing each lap, that kept people away. Only 15......

I think it might have been the legend of the walking dead in the woods that scared off the racers.

I brought a long sleeve baselayer, a short sleeve one, plus a wind-stopper baselayer. Also shoe covers and wind blocker shoe covers, so I could decide which to wear at the car. I chose to wear them ALL, 3 baselayers, shoe covers and shoe covers over my shoe covers, and two skullcaps. The undead don't worry about the cold - their dead. I was barely live.

Lining up for A WORLD OF PAIN were Brian O!, Chairman Fred, Jaybone, and Pantani. the race was 3 times around, 30+ miles and 3,600 feet of up, up, up. The masters included Titanium him Mighty Scott Young and Mountain goat Mitch.

I won't bore you with the details, I missed the break of 6 riders and spent the day chasing or being chased by Mighty Scott up and down all day. We did though discuss the Norwegian zombie movie DEAD SNOW which is in typical horror flick format: student go to remote cabin and of course those that sneak off for the sexy-sexy are devoured. The killers are Nazi soldiers from WWII that froze to death in the mountains. No explanation as to how they became the living dead. AND here's the film flaw, they were easily killed with chainsaws and machine guns (right, the students found an arsenal), and swords. But none of that killing required destroying zombie brains! Scott argued the Germans were a hybrid zombie/science experiment, that's why they were easily killed. I'm wasn't sure, because the Nazis not only could run (ha! everyone knows Zs are slow leg dragging creatures) but they lusted after gold. Gold! comon' when was accumulation of riches the motivation for the dead?

Brian O! did make the break (with another poseur cat. 5) and hung on for 1st. Scott and I were dropped last time up the 1.5 mile climb by Mitch, and I out-sprinted Scott for 2nd in 50+. Well sprint wasn't the word for it. The finish was up a steep pitch that I couldn't turn in the big chainring. It was more like a slow (maybe undead) crawl to the finish.

onward.

Does Tym Tyler take AARP discount cards?

Lately, I'm getting letters from AARP, the American Association of Retired Persons, asking me to join. Certainly there must be a mistake, I'm not retired and I'm not old. I do find that I enjoy the vitamins and fiber that can be found in prunes, but that's more a health thing. Nonetheless, I'm not joining. I already am a member of too many associations, the Amateur River-Wideners Club, Sock Monkeys of America, Butch's Pink Paraders, Democracy For The Lactose Intolerant, etc...

First race of the year for me. I know, I know it's already April, but I'm on the Chairman Fred training plan this year. I've even been practicing my Fred race talk, "SLOW DOWN ON THE HILLS, GIVE US FAT BOYS A CHANCE TO SEE THE FINISH." Fred always gets riders to wait for him on the uphills, then crushes them in the sprint. Enough about Fred, because he didn't show up at Mid-OH race track for what has become my favorite race. To tell the truth, we all were thinking of not showing up yesterday with winds at a steady 20 mph gusting to 36. That's right a steady 20mph. So windy, I changed from the deep profile race wheels to my regular set.

It was so windy. "How windy was it?" It was so windy the favorite sport in the parking lot was watching unattended 15 pound race bikes get blown down then blown from one end to the other.

The beautiful upper 70s temp began to drop with the wind and weather front that blew in, race time found us with mid-50s. yes, cold, windy, and spitting rain. Yes, goose bumps were raised....

The brave World of Pain crew included, Cadillac George (wearing a matching Spartans jersey & socks costume), Brian O!, Scott Ona, Farmer John (singing 'farmer takes a wife, the farmer takes a wife, hi-ho the deli-ho, the farmer takes a wife'), Dan-man-o-God, and Z. Sorry Z that your first race had to be in such stupid conditions.

20 guys in the MASTER'S race. No, not the the MASTER RACE, as in "Adolf get me some gypsies and Jews were having a BBQ." A race of masters, older than 40. Of which Farmer John is now 40 - will he ever not ruin a good field for me? John, 40 in farm years is actually 30 and since I work at a desk, 50 is more like 60. Get outta my races!

It is so windy, (forget the how windy jokes) that no one can escape up the frontside climb, even though one guy tried about every other lap. We go round and round losing a few here and there. Fast forward to the last lap, and 3 guys get a gap that no one wants to close until Conti shames us all into working. George did a 3/4 lap classic pull (he's back!) to bring pull 1 of the 3 escapees. We round the last turn and Farmboy does his classic afterburner sprint (I tried to get on that wheel) for 3rd. I was swarmed by 4 guys but able to come around them for 4th.

The best part was the results list where I find out that the Masters was scored 40+ and 50+. Seems that my fourth was actually 1st in 50+ Masters. Just the kind of shenanigans Chairman Fred has been working for years now. Thank you Fred and thank you AARP....