cognomens

Cycling names are an important and necessary commodity in our sport. The rules say that you cannot assign yourself a cycling name, it must be bestowed upon you. Eddy Merckx was “The Cannibal” and Bernard Hinault “The Badger,” two names fitting the great champions’ demeanors. Closer to home, my teammates have earned some interesting noms de guerre. There was Jungle Jack, The Fatman, Mr. 4%, Professor, and Triple X. For 2008, the following names of my teammates have been established:

George Conti continues to be known as “Cadillac George” because he drove a large sedan with a trunk big enough to hold either 2 bodies or one road bike fully assembled, he has also been called ‘Da Gawdfatha.’

Jim Burkhart will answer to “Iron Man.”

Fred Parks is known as “Chairman Fred” because he has the most experience as a racer, tactician, and can spy sun bathers from ungodly distances.

Bob Hatcher is called “The Donkey” for no apparent reason.

“Iowa Josh,” not to be confused with the “Evil Josh,” has a learning disability and is unable to spell ‘O-H-I-O’

Andrew Will, fka “American Taliban” because his close resemblance to John Walker Lynn, will acquire a new name for 2008, possibilities are “The Young and The Restless,” “Slim,” and maybe “Joe College.”

Pascale Lercangee is, was and will forever be known as “Pascalinator.”

John Price who has yet to lose a race he has entered, will be called “Farmer John” or perhaps “yes, sir” from now on.

Bill York, father of “Billy White Shoes” York is to be called “Father of Billy White Shoes” or ‘FOBWS.’

Dave Chambers is now known as “Luca Brasi.” Brasi's role in The Godfather was personal enforcer/bodyguard to the Don. Brasi's talent, it was said, was that he could do a job, or murder all by himself, without confederates, which made a criminal conviction almost impossible. His powerful riding style, and his ability to maintain the point position in the front of the peloton protects many teammates.

Mike Rea fka as “Jens,” has become Rea-Rea 2.0.

Ryan Carlson might be called “Wild Thing” (stay tuned)

Gus Comstock is just Gus, but pronounced like Pascale does “Goose.”

Heidi Marshall is, of course “LaVerne”

Mike Perakis calls himself “Bob” and I’m not comfortable with that.

Jeff Jackson, aka “JAX,” will also respond to “Nacho Mama,” or “Mr. Chips.”

Butch Weller (not his real name) is lovingly referred to as “Pretty In Pink.”

More soon