Sunday, April 18, 2010

Night of The Living Dead

Let's get one thing straight, you HAVE to destroy the brain of a zombie to actually kill it. Everyone knows that. Except the Norwegians (more about that later). Only 15 brave souls lined up at Mohican State Park lodge for the first ever race in them there parts. Maybe it was the Race @ The Lakes that morning in Akron, or the OVR series that would happen Sunday that was the reason for the low turnout. Maybe it was the temperatures in the low 4os with a blowing 20 mile/hr winds or the course (great course) with 1,200 feet of climbing each lap, that kept people away. Only 15......

I think it might have been the legend of the walking dead in the woods that scared off the racers.

I brought a long sleeve baselayer, a short sleeve one, plus a wind-stopper baselayer. Also shoe covers and wind blocker shoe covers, so I could decide which to wear at the car. I chose to wear them ALL, 3 baselayers, shoe covers and shoe covers over my shoe covers, and two skullcaps. The undead don't worry about the cold - their dead. I was barely live.

Lining up for A WORLD OF PAIN were Brian O!, Chairman Fred, Jaybone, and Pantani. the race was 3 times around, 30+ miles and 3,600 feet of up, up, up. The masters included Titanium him Mighty Scott Young and Mountain goat Mitch.

I won't bore you with the details, I missed the break of 6 riders and spent the day chasing or being chased by Mighty Scott up and down all day. We did though discuss the Norwegian zombie movie DEAD SNOW which is in typical horror flick format: student go to remote cabin and of course those that sneak off for the sexy-sexy are devoured. The killers are Nazi soldiers from WWII that froze to death in the mountains. No explanation as to how they became the living dead. AND here's the film flaw, they were easily killed with chainsaws and machine guns (right, the students found an arsenal), and swords. But none of that killing required destroying zombie brains! Scott argued the Germans were a hybrid zombie/science experiment, that's why they were easily killed. I'm wasn't sure, because the Nazis not only could run (ha! everyone knows Zs are slow leg dragging creatures) but they lusted after gold. Gold! comon' when was accumulation of riches the motivation for the dead?

Brian O! did make the break (with another poseur cat. 5) and hung on for 1st. Scott and I were dropped last time up the 1.5 mile climb by Mitch, and I out-sprinted Scott for 2nd in 50+. Well sprint wasn't the word for it. The finish was up a steep pitch that I couldn't turn in the big chainring. It was more like a slow (maybe undead) crawl to the finish.


Saturday, April 3, 2010

Does Tym Tyler take AARP discount cards?

Lately, I'm getting letters from AARP, the
American Association of Retired Persons, asking me to join. Certainly there must be a mistake, I'm not retired and I'm not old. I do find that I enjoy the vitamins and fiber that can be found in prunes, but that's more a health thing. Nonetheless, I'm not joining. I already am a member of too many associations, the Amateur River-Wideners Club, Sock Monkeys of America, Butch's Pink Paraders, Democracy For The Lactose Intolerant, etc...

First race of the year for me. I know, I know it's already April, but I'm on the Chairman Fred training plan this year. I've even been practicing my Fred race talk, "SLOW DOWN ON THE HILLS, GIVE US FAT BOYS A CHANCE TO SEE THE FINISH." Fred always gets riders to wait for him on the uphills, then crushes them in the sprint. Enough about Fred, because he didn't show up at Mid-OH race track for what has become my favorite race. To tell the truth, we all were thinking of not showing up yesterday with winds at a steady 20 mph gusting to 36. That's right a steady 20mph. So windy, I changed from the deep profile race wheels to my regular set.

It was so windy. "How windy was it?" It was so windy the favorite sport in the parking lot was watching unattended 15 pound race bikes get blown down then blown from one end to the other.

The beautiful upper 70s temp began to drop with the wind and weather front that blew in, race time found us with mid-50s. yes, cold, windy, and spitting rain. Yes, goose bumps were raised....

The brave World of Pain crew included, Cadillac George (wearing a matching Spartans jersey & socks costume), Brian O!, Scott Ona, Farmer John (singing 'farmer takes a wife, the farmer takes a wife, hi-ho the deli-ho, the farmer takes a wife'), Dan-man-o-God, and Z. Sorry Z that your first race had to be in such stupid conditions.

20 guys in the MASTER'S race. No, not the the MASTER RACE, as in "Adolf get me some gypsies and Jews were having a BBQ." A race of masters, older than 40. Of which Farmer John is now 40 - will he ever not ruin a good field for me? John, 40 in farm years is actually 30 and since I work at a desk, 50 is more like 60. Get outta my races!

It is so windy, (forget the how windy jokes) that no one can escape up the frontside climb, even though one guy tried about every other lap. We go round and round losing a few here and there. Fast forward to the last lap, and 3 guys get a gap that no one wants to close until Conti shames us all into working. George did a 3/4 lap classic pull (he's back!) to bring pull 1 of the 3 escapees. We round the last turn and Farmboy does his classic afterburner sprint (I tried to get on that wheel) for 3rd. I was swarmed by 4 guys but able to come around them for 4th.

The best part was the results list where I find out that the Masters was scored 40+ and 50+. Seems that my fourth was actually 1st in 50+ Masters. Just the kind of shenanigans Chairman Fred has been working for years now. Thank you Fred and thank you AARP....

Friday, April 2, 2010

First Ride W/O Knee Warmers

Yes, it was the 1st proper THURSDAY NITE RIDE from BEEHIVE BOOKS last night. Great to see such a large peloton, I guess I actually missed seeing Gus' butt crack when the sun hits him at just the right angle. It was a long long winter, but viola - here we are. Thursdays are cool because the speed of 18 mph (until the crazies race up the final climb) allows for friendly chatter and last night I got to meet some new riders.

Thursdays also remind me of where I once was (barely hanging on) and where I aspire to be - that's easy to do when you get a chance to spin with a cat. 2 racer who is out for a recovery ride, and watch how quiet his upper body is while his legs naturally spin at 100 rpm.

And with 8 more month until the time changes, there will be plenty of THURSDAYS to lather, rinse, and repeat.