Friday, September 24, 2010

2010 World of Pain Cycling Awards

So let us raise a glass to the heroes...
Sometimes there's a team... I won't say a team of heroes, 'cause what's a hero? But sometimes, there's a team – and I'm talkin' about the World of Pain here – sometimes, there's a team, well, there’s a team for this time and place. They fit right in there. And that's the World of Pain. In Ohio. And even if they’re a lazy team – and this team was most certainly that, quite possibly the laziest in all Ohio, which would place them high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide – Sometimes there's a team... Sometimes, there's a team. Ah, I lost my train of thought here. But... aw, hell. I done introduced them enough. So here's the 2010 Cycling awards.

Comeback of the Year:
Tie: Cadillac George (from near death) and Mark Ames (from vacation)

Most improved Rider Female:
Abbey Trimble (who podium’d her first race)

Most Improved Ride Male:
Keith “Larry” Flint

Best ‘bonk’ of the year:
Dan Tinderholt on the Dan & Josh Century (but he finished!)

Cyclist(s) who drove the farthest just to go for a bike ride:
Brian O!, Mel Longo, Cadillac George, Dan 4% Rhule, and Pantani (who traveled 500 miles to ride 50 in Iowa)

Best lead out draft:
Gus Comstock’s Butt.

Team Rouleur Award 2010:
Brian “Lil’ Fabian” O’Hara

Where’s Waldo award (awarded to the World of Pain rider spotted wearing another team’s kit to every major ride in Central Ohio):
Mike Rea nka Waldo

2010 Padrone Award (read while humming "Old Man River"):
Jeff 'Nacho Mama' 'JAX' Jackson

Best skin ink of 2010:
tie; and Keith Flint

Best Crash of the Year:
Iowa Josh who skipped a scheduled race so he wouldn't have road rash for his wedding, but crashed in a training ride anyway

Best new name:
Ted Pablo (that's not it) aka "IPB" (that's it) or "International Playboy" (credit goes to Jaybone for naming him)

Best excuses why they couldn't make another thursday evening ride:
The award goes to the WIVES of Bob Hatcher and Bruce 'BRUCE!' Pijanowski

Best Ride of the Year:
The Peckerhead Invitational

Best Bike Shop:
Breakaway Cycling

Best Race of the Year:
Garrett Wonders Columbus (fast, with cobbles – great set up, great venue)

Toughest Opponent 2010 Road Races:
Mighty Scott Young

Best use of Pink in training or racing apparel:
Butch man, who else?

Best use of the LARGE chain ring:
Dave Chambers

Rider most likely to be mistaken for a sausage casing: (winner 3 years running):
Stuart Hunter

Most admired quadriceps (not by me, but I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that):
Tom Kingery

Cyclist of the Year:
Tie. Coming in with equal number of votes Farmer John Price (Ohio Cat. 4 Crit champion) and Chairman Fred Parks (Master’s 55+ Ohio Crit champion and 2nd in Ohio Road Race)

Cyclist(s) who opted out of a races that started just 10 minutes from their own homes:
Again tie. Jaybone Allred and Mike "Waldo" Rea

Mountain biker of the year:
sorry, but no one really cares

Hairiest legs:

(see above Mtn. Bike award) Ben Trimble

Living proof that evolution can be reversed by de-evolution:


Best Calves (criteria, must be larger than my quads):

Tennis Bob

Best physical condition in October (after season is over):
tie; Dale black-truffles and Frank "the taxman" Seebode

Best tribute to our former Sponsor:
Dan Will

See you next year...

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